A TRIP TO HELL VI

"God Is Not Here"

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I walked away from her, hanging my head in utter disappointment. I wondered if she ever felt anything for me or if she is even aware at all that I'm in love with her. After all, i never mentioned it. At the same time, I wondered how all she could miss is her boyfriend. Is it that she does not have a family? Or her family is so useless a boyfriend matters more than them. Something does not sound right. Maybe I still have a lifeline, I turned back to her.

"What about your family?", I inquire, "how come you miss your boyfriend more than them?". She stares at me, she's not smiling. "My dad", she speaks with a tone so solemn I feel like I was talking to a child. "He's the one I called my boyfriend". "Your dad is the person you just referred to as your boyfriend?" I ask just to be sure. She nods in affirmation. I felt a heavy gush of relief flowing down my veins. I smiled a very big smile, so much she noticed.

"Why are you smiling?" "Nothing" "You think it's odd I call my dad my boyfriend?" "Yes, kind of." Not that I'm so interested in the rest of the details. "My dad is thirty nine." She begins, "he gave birth to me while he was a teenager. My mother was in high school then. Everyone says it was a mistake, but I know I'm not a mistake." She paused and gazed at the sky as if that is where she would read out the rest of the story. She sighs, "My mother died immediately she gave birth to me. Ever since then it's been dad and I." "He didn't remarry?" I asked just to make the conversation conversational. She shakes her head. "I think he loved me too much to remarry. But I hope he does someday. He needs to be loved again". "Is that why you call him your boyfriend?" I ask this again just to be absolutely sure. "My dad is thirty nine, I'm almost twenty two. Do you think he really looks like my father beside me?" She laughs. Maybe she expects me to laugh too, but I'm not amused. "People do call him my boyfriend", she continues, "and with time I adopted the title too". She looks at me as if she's trying to read my mind. I quickly smiles at her. "That's interesting". "We should return to the others".
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Back to base, we are surprised to only find Sister Sarah with Michael. Sister Sarah is about the oldest among us. If anyone would be older than her, it could only be Bro Emma. She is definitely above thirty and I sometimes wonder why she is still
unmarried - to be honest, she's not the most beautiful woman I've seen. Sister Sarah sits there beside Michael, obviously too confused to know what to do. We walked up to her. "Where is everyone?" I asked. "They went into forest. They said they are finding food". She replies. Irene already kneels beside
Michael as she begins to chew one of the leaves. She chews it into a paste and begins to apply it on Michael's wound. Michael screams in pain. I cannot withstand the sight. "Which way dis they pass?" I ask Sister Sarah. She points it to me. As I approach the path, the four of them appears with four or five pawpaws - only two are ripe, actually. My stomach leaps for joy at the sight of food. I remember I have not eaten for about twenty four hours. None of us have…

Irene continued with her treatment to Michael. She seems unconcerned by the fact that there is finally food to eat. I just stare at her and I look foolish to myself. So selfless, what a woman. "I will marry this girl", I said to myself. "How is he?" Tony asked Irene, "Will that heal him?" Irene wipes of a stream of sweat from her forehead before she replies. "Hopefully, this will reduce the pain slightly. The bullet is still in him and we don't know what damage it might have done internally". I just stared at her as she speaks, She looks like a skilled doctor. Actually, she always looks like everything to me. She's through with Michael now and she keeps observing him as if she is expecting a reaction from him.

"Guys, let's eat". No one could blame Joseph for being so food-conscious. Hunger does not feel good on anybody. Some minutes later, we are devouring the pawpaw. We first share out the ripe before descending on the unripe ones. The way we all tear at unripe pawpaw in all its whiteness and dryness, you would think we were goats. But really, how much of a human is left in us here? And how long would it last us? "There was only this one tree in this whole forest", Banle begins after we are done eating, "we've searched everywhere. I hope we all enjoyed the meal - it is most likely our last". Everyone looks up in dread. Especially the four of us that had not followed them in the food hunt. "We'll find food", Tony quips - probably just not to discourage us "Where", Banle continues, "did we not search the forest together? There are not even animals to hunt!" Silence! Absolute silence! "We won't starve to death. That I know", Tony insists before he walks some steps away.

"Chimamanda", I heard someone whispered beside me. I know who it was. I smiled. It soon begins to get dark. We cleared a part of the land spacious enough to accommodate everyone. We all lie down and sleep - right on the bare floor.
Maybe not sleep, but we lie there.
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This is definitely the most terrible night of my life. I am at the mercy of at least five thousand mosquitoes. I do not exaggerate. They sang annoyingly across my ears as others bite at me mercilessly. I wished I had some powers to turn the night into day immediately. I was not alone in my distress. I could hear others hiss and turn around in frustration. Different sounds of claps and self-slaps. Believe me, this feels worse than being chased around by armed terrorists.

Somewhere in the dark, I heard a cry. I listened out to recognise the voice - Michael. He was crying like a child. He's in pains. "Guys. Please don’t sleep. Please help me. Kill me please. These pains is too much, Please kill me". I don't want to imagine his pains but his cry tears my heart like a sword on paper. I'm sure everyone could hear him. No one can be asleep in this condition. Not even a corpse. Michael continues crying and begging for death. Tears rolled down my eyes. I wished there was something I could do. I really wished I could help, but I couldn’t. I just lie there. Soon i hear a voice close to Michael - it is the voice of Bro Emma doing what he does best. Bro Emma rages violently as he prays for Michael. I hear as he casts and binds. I only wonder if his prayer his strong enough to cast a bullet out of Michael's body. I'm a man of little faith. I know. Soon, Bro Emma begins to speak in tongues. He prayed and prayed helplessly. I am not expecting any miracle. "God is not here", I say to myself, "God could not have been here".

After about an hour or two, Bro Emma goes quiet, he must have fallen asleep. All I heard again was Michael's cry of agony. Listening to every cry tears my heart. I lie there. Crying my eyes out. I don't even know for how many reasons I'm crying. I have too much to cry about. I just cried. After what seems like forever, the morning finally came. Michael cried overnight. Not for a minute was he quiet. He is still crying. I saw Irene and Tony trying to calm him. We are all helpless here. We all need death. I think to myself. Someone taps me on the shoulder as I sit up. I turned - Bro Emma.

"Let's search through the forest for food again". "I thought you people checked yesterday" "We have to try again, we can't wait here and let hunger kill us". He's right. I got in my feet. We called the other men - Banle, Joseph and Tony. Irene and Sister Sarah would tend to Michael while we hunt. I looked at Michael again. He stares at me. "Hey", he says to me with tears in his eyes and agony in his voice, "please if you love me, if I'm your friend, please kill me. This pain is too much". I am broken. I don't know what to do or say. I just ran away from his sight as I broke into tears.
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We searched for what must have been three or four hours. We found nothing. No fruit. No crop. No animals, just trees and weed everywhere. My mind was not so much in the search though. The sorrowful voice of Michael begging me for death reechoes in my head every minute. "Let's return to the rest", Tony finally motions, "we'll search again later in the day" "What about Michael?", asked Banle. "What about him?" "Every more minute that guy spends is hell for him. He's in pains and we can't heal him. Now there's no

even food" "So?" Tony is now frowning, "are you suggesting we kill him?" "He's begging for it!" "But you know we can't" "Why not? Huh? Why not? A bullet has been buried in him for days. No food. No water. He will eventually die. Must we let him suffer so much longer and still die?" Everyone is silent. Banle has a point, a very valid point. But the thought is bizarre. "I know you may think I'm heartless or something", he continues, "but someday I may be in his shoes. Please kill me before I even beg for it. It's a favour.".
We all remained silent. I looked at Tony. For once even he looks confused. "I think Banle has a point", Joseph opines, "the best thing we can do for this guy is to kill him. He will die eventually. We all will" "I reject death in Jesus name", quips Bro. Emma, "who never seems to ever have any meaningful contribution. "Why not let's put it into prayer?" "When it's your turn, we'll pray while you die slowly in agony", Banle replies very rudely. No one seems shocked but Bro Emma says nothing since then. "What about you, Dan?" Tony finally asks, "what do you think?" I wished they may just leave me out. But they didn't. I stared hard at the ground. Michael, my friend of just yesterday. Just a day of friendship and I have saved his life once, he has given me a cash gift and afterwards begged me to end his life. This is what Michael truly wants. It is what he needs. But how do I say "yes, let's go and kill my friend"? How? "Daniel?", Tony calls out again to signal I am wasting time. I began to tremble. "Let's do it", I finally said, with tears rolling down my cheeks. I busted into tears again.

"None of us is happy about this", Tony reminded us, "but it's a favour we are doing for our friend". Tony led the way. The others followed. I followed at the rear. My mind was restless, I just agreed to kill my friend.

Michael Adejonwo